Life's path

caustic

2005-11-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the words I used towards another loved one are so caustic that it hurts deep...I did not mean what I mentioned and I did not blame you for what happened to me in the past....to say who's the coward...it's me....I do not know how to show sincere love...I even wondered when I became so caustic...I did not aim at u, Iman, believe me...now I have to reflect the damage I've done......I will be gone from this blogworld temporarily or for good and will be uncontactable.....I do not know when I will return to this blogworld or never....To Iman, I am profusely sorry if you thought I was mentioning about you of which I was not...my hopes are dashed...forgive me, Iman..and to the blogworld..."saya undur diri" ..w'salam...au revoir....

Talent

2005-11-14T06:02:00.000-08:00

Bloghopped and chanced upon a Malaysian filmaker named Yasmin...quite intriguing and I was spellbound by her prose...I can't quite figure out whether those were her poems...but immediately I was charmed by it....maybe I should just create snippets of my life into poems.....

Jugular vein

Blood rushes through the jugular veins,
Connection of life that's so vital,
These pathethic hands pick up the grains,
Thrown diabolically by others' hands so fatal...

- Haze

Teary Eyed

2005-11-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

Teary Eyed

Tears of remorse flows,
Of the past that eats the heart,
This face is slapped by all the blows,
From the sins of hell wishing to depart....

-Haze

This song relates to me...I used to trust someone from the past, but was dumped for another.Am I washing the dirty linen in public?Is everybody here in this blogworld perfect?Should I confront the bleak past and dig it up again?All saccharine displayed but not the dirty stuff?As I've mentioned before and I reiterate...things are not what they appear to be....I am not judging anyone but myself..I detest hypocrites and I do not aspire to be one meself..so here I lay the cards on the table...so it's up to an individual to be opiniated about it.Thus I rest my case....and I repent...someday I will retire from this blogworld with a burden lifted from me..or otherwise..is there 'eye for an eye'?is there retribution for the past...I believe so..I had experienced it now and then and had a taste of me own medicine ..and will that other person who assumes such 'clean' and 'innocent-like' persona in this blogworld escape from it?..it may not be now...who knows.. ...I ain't looking for vengeance...but Allah s.w.t knows better...and I am trying my bestest to go towards righteousness again..I do pray that I won't be wayward again...the wrath of Allah I do not seek...just sincere taubah..and to Iman, if u see this..the choice is solely urs to make...au revoir..

2005-11-12T22:22:00.000-08:00

Syawalina brings mirth to my life and dissolves the exasperations....I love her to bits...now she can open her eyes...after feeding her from her baby milk bottle....she demands attention everytime when I am at Abah's place...just like a little infant....mon enfant....jetaime beaucoup....au revoir...

What a sham!

2005-11-11T10:55:00.000-08:00

I will be absolutely glad that I will be transferred out of the school that I am currently in...I worked my butts off and they still mentioned that I did not contribute much to the school...thus....not appreciated....and the work review....I rather not say anything...thank you for stretching me to the limit and putting me under a lousy reporting officer...thank you for the loads of work that you chuck me at the same time and expecting me to meet all the deadlines....I had never experienced such lukewarm response to the sacrifices I made and the long hours I put in...at least the kids love and adore me..and their results had tremendously improved and their parents are happy with the outcome...at least the munchkins' eyes always lit up whenever they see me....at least the munchkins always ask for me whenever I am on leave or not around...that is sufficient for me to survive in this profession....let the higher 'authority' bask in this temporary worldly affairs that they are in...I do not pursue worldy gains and praises...only to a certain extent...but not overboard...thus I end my sorrow here...and the grouses for now....adieu....

Friends

2005-11-10T16:41:00.000-08:00

Sincerity

True friends are hard to find,
Sprinkled with a dash of sincerity,
Secrets kept within the heart and mind,
Friendship filled with immense purity.

-Haze

The French exam paper was practically not that bad...managed to smoke through...waiting for the result..hmmm I dropped by Hus's house with a box of chocolates after meeting Iman....with the intention of studying for pragmatics..hehehheee...eventually...it did not materialised...hehehehe..well there are still ample time to revise..good excuse ehh..ate Hus's homemade kueh raya...I do swear her kueh knocked me off me senses..she's an expert kueh maker..I do pledge on that!We chit chatted and commented on the her wedding video...I loike....the chinese serial...it had been eons since I watched a chinese serial...should polish and harness me mandarin ehh...and the first slot of the amazing race..how I detest the 'Weaver' family.....however they should have a reason for being that way huh...me not jumping to conclusions here....I wished I could have stayed longer...unfortunately had to start on the end of the year work review....can I drop by again ehh Hus?hehehhee.....miz u 2 pieces Iman...au revoir

2005-11-08T02:52:00.000-08:00

Edge

The woman is perfected.
Her dead
Body wears the smile of accomplishment,
The illusion of a Greek necessity
Flows in the scrolls of her toga,
Her bare
Feet seem to be saying:
We have come so far, it is over.
Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,
One at each little
Pitcher of milk, now empty.
She has folded
Them back into her body as petals
Of a rose close when the garden
Stiffens and odors bleed
From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.
The moon has nothing to be sad about,
Staring from her hood of bone.
She is used to this sort of thing.
Her blacks crackle and drag.

By Sylvia Plath

2005-11-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

It's true

2005-11-07T22:32:00.001-08:00

What the F?

2005-11-07T22:32:00.000-08:00

Does it need to be sorted out?Nahhh

2005-11-07T22:31:00.000-08:00

For me to know, for YOU to find out

2005-11-07T22:30:00.000-08:00

Behind it hides a meaning

2005-11-07T22:29:00.000-08:00

Every picture tells a story

2005-11-06T02:18:00.000-08:00

Breathe

Breathe in the foul air,
Walls of the lungs exfoliated,
Tear the heart bare,
Exhale the niceness not appreciated.

-Haze

My pleasant disposition has diminished and here appears out of the cocoon, the most nauseating stench permeating from this entity�.I do not know why I am vicious the past few days�maybe it has got something to do with an incident that happened in the past..it really opened me eyes �WIDE��the true nature of HUMAN manner towards another of its own kind, where it treated the other as �INVISIBLE��.I don�t give a damn about popularity�duhhh�.I am here to extend my friendship and if it�s treated coldly, well thank you very much indeed�.my exams are approaching and work is piling up..the never ending monotony of life�s path�

2005-11-05T06:28:00.000-08:00

Hari Raya chaotic jalan2 to relatives' places...the traffic sux!Salam lebaran to Iman too...I am sorry as to what I said yaa...hope u can forgive me, Iman...well then..adieu..

2005-11-05T06:24:00.000-08:00

Such a fortunate kitty ehh

2005-11-05T06:23:00.000-08:00

Syawalina dozing off on my lap....she's just like a little baby being pampered...can I have a baby of my own?hmmm...

Celebration of Eid

2005-11-03T21:37:00.000-08:00

Eid

As the takbir is uttered,
the sign of the end of Ramadan,
Have my religious duty been bettered?
or the forgiving of sins left undone?

-Haze

I am blardy blunt in what I mentioned in my previous entry. If for unforeseen circumstances that anybody is hurt by the caustic remarks, then I have no comment, just 'SORRY'.This is my blog and I do not target anyone in particular. I give my opinions and I have the prerogative to pen them and the resentments ...hmmmm....without further ado,I am too fatigued to rant any further, thus, let the snapshots do the walking and talking...once more I reiterate..Eid Mubarak, and if anybody is irked by the comments, maaf zahir batin. wsalam.

2005-11-03T09:35:00.000-08:00

My younger sis n me...she's grown so rapidly...next year she will be in sec 1...I can never forget of how I held her when she was an infant...how time goes by ehh...

2005-11-03T09:33:00.001-08:00

My younger sis with Syawalina

2005-11-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

A new member in Abah's household.We named her Syawalina, in accordance of the Ist Day of Syawal that we found her abandoned in the rubbish dump at the void deck.

2005-11-03T09:30:00.000-08:00

My Abah's home...with my younger brother in the background.

Diplomatic

2005-11-02T15:37:00.000-08:00

I never assess anyone..I guess some people click while others can't..I bear no grudges and am diplomatic in every sense.Guess I can't please everybody but I was cordial to everyone during that time though....what's the use of me being disgruntled and show a dour face...nahh..aniways, I was glad that I was myself and I never tried to blend in to make others happy....if they don't like it, that's their problem...what the heck....I do admit that I am a changed person since I joined this blogworld and am unpretentious in voicing out my opinions here..honesty to the max...hmm...I do not know whether this next assignment, I am able to complete on time..how ehh Hus...it's damn blardy tedious ahh this pragmatics thingy...to make the matter worse..I haven't the slightest clue to what Mr Bruthias expects from the assignment.....guess the Hari Raya preps have to be put on hold...and the grouses halted....adieu

2005-11-01T02:21:00.000-08:00

The henna artwork done on my right hand.....i lurve it...thanks jewel and redherring...it was the most pleasurable and joyful moment to had met u guys...not forgetting Ecah too...i truly revel in this henna gig....yeah...the henna craze..I chortled with gladness at the slight uplift of hari raya mood..at least it's a teeensy weensy bit of presence there....hehehhee...hmm...miz u Iman...miz u lotsa...au revoir

2005-11-01T02:14:00.000-08:00

voila....that's only Hus's right hand yaaa...haven't done on her left hand yet...

2005-11-01T02:13:00.000-08:00

Hus is so engrossed in redherring's henna making on her hand...hehehehe

Ease

2005-10-30T16:49:00.000-08:00

Festival of Eid?

Lights glitter from the windows,
The end of Ramadan is near,
In my heart nobody knows,
Feeling of celebration never appear.

-Haze

Yep, this is how I feel...emptiness for the festive season...reasons are unexplained...probably because of the due for the last assignment just a day after Eid...and other private matters....mum did not make any cookies this year, just ordered..the joy is somehow gone...dissolved into the vacuum...sucked out eternally...only Abah's house is filled with the fervour for it as his wife made a lot of homemade cookies and Abah,although old at his age, was capable of painting the whole house with my brother....only dismal accompanies me this festive season...have I done enough for the ibadah?too consumed by worldly affairs that the religious duty I abandoned?....so many questions crossing my mind...soo..many....haizz...

2005-10-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

Early Saturday morning 'basi' face.....drove to NIE today...last tutorial for Literature....handed in the assignment and after tutorial, headed to the NIE library with Her to photocopy some last minute notes on Jane Eyre...then proceeded to a bank at Paya Lebar area to settle some matters...what should I do today?...hmmm...a respecful amount of tasks to complete...is that henna gig on ehh Hus?...n Iman..miz u to pieces..n to all the fellow muslim bloggers...Eid Mubarak and may Allah bless us all with rahmah and taqwa...aminnn...au revoir

2005-10-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

Drove around till we reached my favourite haunt.....the most eastern area of Singapore after Changi village...it was void of cars at nearly 1 am...drove slowly to absorb the sights...hmmm...au revoir

2005-10-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

Passed through geylang serai...saw through the car windows that it was sandwiched with human traffic...I rather give it a miss albeit the last year that it was having the bazaar.....no offence...but I thought Serangoon lightup was more colourful....as my Abah mentioned in subtle sarcasm, "Khabar indah tanpa rupa"....I was engrossed in deep comprehension for a moment...I presumed that it is true in what he said...hmmm...

Fate

2005-10-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

I leave it to Allah's will at determining the path that I have to take....I am so bogged down by work and dilemma that I had no time to focus on the upcoming festive season...others are revelling and looking forward to it while I mope and sulk over here....now doing the finishing touches to the 2nd Literature assignment on Frankenstein...yeah Mary Shelley's neat writing piece...never expected her to be Percy Shelley's wife...Percy Shelley is one of my favourite poets...there are also the Science SA2 papers to mark as well, updating and keying in the results and remarks bla bla bla...what a great timing to Hari Raya Puasa yaaaa...many of my fellow coursemates are complaining about the timing of the exams clashing with the festive season....but that's reality....ignore or just go with the flow....well I better get back on my tasks instead of grouching over it....and Iman...I apologise if I can't fulfil ur wish...U shud know....adieu...

2005-10-25T12:57:00.000-07:00

VILE

Why is there such a vile entity exist?
So much bile and atrocity within it,
What is the motive of YOUR gist?
or should at your face I hatefully SPIT!

- Haze

Mistrust

2005-10-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder, why are there backstabbers in a workplace? Now my position is jeopardised by one whom I thought I can work with but in the end, that individual backstabbed me.I can't lose this occupation which I love the most. I work my ass for it..how could that person mentioned that I had given MINIMAL worksheets to ur pupil. I did not choose ur favourite pupil to be in my class OK!I have 40 other pupils' welfare to think, not just a lone bright pupil of yours! sheeeshh.....u have driven me up the wall until I am on the brink of being ill. I am ill now due to YOU!I HOPE U ARE HAPPY EH!I never knew such a HYPOCRITE exist!I had never done anything against you and yet U did this to me!I am not the sort to curse but I hope whatever u did to me would be returned twice to you. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!where is that transfer that I was looking forward to?Ya Allah rabiul alamin, if this is retribution for my sins towards you, please let it pass quickly, however, dun let me lose my job......it's my bread and butter......please Ya Rabbi!

Love

2005-10-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

Love?

A bird in flight,
Soaring so high,
A love in sight,
Don't let it pass on by.

Love that can touch,
deep into a person's heart,
It depends so much,
for it to bloom that spark.

Both partners need to learn,
the true love's value,
if not it can really burn,
ultimately into ashes with no clue.

-Haze

Love is a mystery..it can behold a person into so much passion and splendour..and then it goes poof into thin air...the reason is simple....love is never an eternal thing....people alter or change....if only that person makes it eternal...that is the choice...I had experienced it enough to comprehend the underlying meaning of it...love breaks the chain......the beauty of it lies in both of the partners to cooperate and learn the true value of love....that is what I hope from you....make it or break it....this ain't about me being lovey dovey...only missing u,yes U...au revoir

2005-10-22T00:46:00.000-07:00

This is my brother's brand new handphone....well who else if not me who had purchased it for him..although he is already working and has his own earning, he is my sole brother that I truly cherish..we are very close till now....when I was hospitalised, he was the only one who visited me everyday and took care of my every need....so dear dik din(nickname), thank you for taking care of ur kakak ya...and in gratitude, this is the only thing I can do for you in return...n Iman...can I ask u for something?...maybe not... :OP

Elated

2005-10-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

Promise

Satisfaction within my sight,
A long awaited wish came true,
A hope that will forever be bright,
A sincere bond just saying I do.

- Haze

I was released from the marking centre early in the afternoon...then I proceeded to Arab Street to do my errand...finally I've bought that baju raya....fortunately the sales lady was a very patient one....succumbed to my capacity of indecisiveness and after so many tries...I opted for a simple yet lovely piece of clothing...that's the sole clothing I will have for this coming festive season...yep...I am the frugal type nowadays...n even got 2 plain tudungs to match it at a shop which sold Akel scarves...to Iman...I am in a very serene mien right now...miz u..well the future we'll see what's paved for us ehh....n to Hus...can we do the countdown to henna day?I am in a very anticipative mood...hehe....au revoir

better late than never

2005-10-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

Rain

The raindrops kept falling,
pattering against this entity,
over this earth's filth it is washing,
nothing in this life is always pretty.

-Haze

It's the PSLE marking yet again...4 days of torture?Marking till I see spots appearing within my sight...yikes...but I enjoyed the company I was in...a great bunch of teachers from various schools throughout the country....today I tot I saw LJ in the same marking centre as I am..I guess she did not recognise me...i wanted to apporach her but I guess I was too shy...me the ever shy one...heehe...the stress induced diarrhoea struck me again without warning...n the doc mentioned that I was partially dehydrated..there went me french test....do I have to retake it?Well I guess I have to inform Francois this coming Monday...as for my ever delayed task of buying that baju raya(me not planning to get a baju kurong this year)has not materialised yet...maybe this saturday right after the literature class...hmm...n Iman, I do not know what is wrong but it's soo damn difficult to contact you, I give up...as to Hus, I am eagerly waiting for that henna gig... ;)...adieu..

Missing

2005-10-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

Missing

This heart beats a murmur,
Serenading a yearn so great,
Hope that our love will never,
Dissolved and replaced with hate.

-Haze

The presentation went well unexpectedly today..yeah burnt the midnight oil yesterday, finishing the assignment and presentation materials...sometimes I am puzzled at the ability of Hus and I that we are able to complete within the deadline...pheww..thank Allah that the ordeal is over..and more are heading my way..with the second French test this Wednesday and 2 more assignments coming up...hey Hus, take care of yourself yaa...heard your croaky voice through the phone and it sounded kinda bad....n Iman, miz u a lot...dun 4get ur promise ya...U should know...hmm....it's mind boggling ehh....adieu..

2005-10-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

Got this from Hus's blog...me copy ahh.. :P
And the result is....tadaaaaaaaaaaa...

Simple

What is your style of 'hijab'? (for ladies only)
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-10-15T05:49:00.000-07:00

...hmmm..voila...the master chef with his assistant..well Keane is very neat in his work,therefore his fruit salad was ultimately arranged and created in a nice and colourful display as well..bon apetit..tra biennn!

2005-10-15T05:46:00.000-07:00

This pic shows a moment when the munchkins were trying out their own versions of tasty fruit salads during a Health Education period integrated with an English lesson.They are masters at it...albeit the weird concoctions these munckins conjured up....hehehehe....I hereby declare them ' The Singapore Idol Chefs"... :P

Exhaustion

2005-10-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

I am very tired and feeling under the weather again......up to the point whether I should give up this noble profession once the bond expires.....however, I have the degree to think about....I have not even begin on the CTL 202 presentation which is this Monday and written assignment too....arghhhhh!..at least the relief is that I had interviewed and recorded for it....shucks..Hus is right...the galore of assignments...but to me it's the holocaust of assignments per say....and the P6 camp is conducted tonight at Sentosa...OF ALL DAYS!....their schedule planning SUX BIG TIME!.....well then ...have to get back to marking....au revoir.

Encircled

2005-10-09T17:43:00.000-07:00

Ferocity

Encircled and couldn't escape,
Crammed in this little space,
This barbaric cloud endlessly rape,
The essence of this pathetic face.

-Haze

I am dominated and controlled by the constant onslaught of assignments...when will the hell be over?I am teetering on the edge here....am I inclined to depression real soon?Can I get over this?Numerous tasks need to be accomplished...SHIT!...just hope I can overcome this....do you care Iman?...or should I just deal it on my own?where are you when I need you?........Ohh Allah....please fortify me with resilience...aminn..

Ailing

2005-10-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

I am under the weather....hit by a bout of diarrhoea...there goes the iftar to abah's house...and missed the tutorials for today....now self medicating...what else...I am consuming those black charcoal tablets during sahur....yeah kept going to the toilet until I had insufficient sleep of only 2 hours...damn it!..of course I still fast though....no excuse of skipping a day's fast just because of a setback..I am trying to complete my school work at home..and trying my bestest to complete that P2 Health Education paper...after vetting the other H.E exam level papers....arghh...I require a break...not break fast lerr...but a break from the manic load of work...just looking forward to next Saturday though...hmmm...au revoir

2005-10-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

Phew..it's TGIF..the munchkins had been restless these past few days...maybe the exam is nearing....thus they are too stodgy by the monotonous revision...continous practice papers are dulling their brain....hmm...well dear munchkins, look forrward to the post exam period k...lots of activities are in store for the 40 of u...n then after your post exam is my turn to face the music...yeah..my exams are around the corner....and it's in week 9 and 10 which are the the super hectic times ok.....now i am grouchy...of course...rite after the festival of Eid seyy the exams are conducted....C'est tres enneyeux!!!!!!....(Very the Boring in french)........well enough of my ramblings for now...hey Thea, glad to hear your voice again lerrr...and to Iman..hmm..u wanna iftar together one of these days? :P..toodles

Obligate

2005-10-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

Lesser self?

A multiple of thoughts,
Engulfs me in a haste,
Can this mien rots?
Which only the diabolic entity taste?

- Haze

I had immolated too much of my time to the place called 'work'.Even the higher authorities dare to duress me with my mediocre performance albeit the constant tenacity I had put in....how diabolic can 'they' be?...on the outside..they may seem saccharine but.....it's no use penning about it....hmmm....on the whole my life has never been better....neither banal...and to Hus, dun worry sis, me ok now...and to Iman, miz u..end of my ramblings for now...au revoir..

Misunderstood

2005-10-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

I am forlorn today....as if my world has fallen apart....just because of a miscommunication, he misunderstood..I never hid it from u, Iman.....S is just a confidante who is just a good buddy, no more than that..why can't you understand that Iman.....tears are gushing from my eyes as I am penning this entry from school....sheeeshh!I will never understand guys...if they did something wrong, it's easy for them to say sorry and we forgive them...but when it comes to our part, it takes such a damn difficult time to convince them that we are truly sorry...............................I need to talk to Thea....or anybody who is NOT a guy for now!

2005-10-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

It's been quite awhile that I had not been on a drive...therefore went for a short one yesterday with my younger brother after work around the east area...it's a relief and a destresser...i chose to open the windows and let the breeze blow straight on my face......aaahhhhhh....then headed on to Abah's house..I had not visited Abah for more than 2 weeks...unfilial ehh...well back to doing the overdue SA2 paper...it's not simple setting a Science paper....fasting is around the corner....to all the Muslims..happy fasting and may all your ibadah be accepted by Allah....w'salam

Sincere wishes

2005-09-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

Past that should have been?

Reminisce of my childhood,
The days that were filled with happiness,
the present now do I feel good?
surrounded by an atmosphere of merriness...

-Haze

Do I feel bouyant?....a bit despite the craziness and the immense workload..I tried to upload the pic that I had taken of my munchkins but to no avail...yeah sometimes technology sux big time...tomorrow is a special occasion...hmmm...they are expecting a lot of pressies from me...sampai kopak seyy...but I don't mind....this past year with the P2s had not been a smooth sailing journey but an ardous one...yeah..used to teaching p4s for the past 2 years and out of nowhere I have to endure the lower primary ....however there were lighter moments to it...nowadays whenever they see me, they will call out my name and wave at me or gather around me in the canteen or the corridor when it's not curriculum time..it makes me day.....fills me with high spirits...and put me mien at peace...even my ex P4s who are now in P5 do that....hehehee...have I influenced and touched their lives somehow?I am still wondering...and I am blessed with these current munchkins of mine..and to all of you dearies..Happy Children's Day and may all of you be succesful and happy individuals always!.....au revoir...

2005-09-25T03:57:00.000-07:00

LAST LINES

by: Emily Bront� (1818-1848)

O coward soul is mine,
No trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere:
I see Heaven's glories shine,
And faith shines equal, arming me from fear.

O God within my breast,
Almighty, ever-present Deity!
Life--that in me has rest,
As I--undying Life--have power in Thee!

Vain are the thousand creeds
That move men's hearts: unutterably vain;
Worthless as wither'd weeds,
Or idlest froth amid the boundless main,

To waken doubt in one
Holding so fast by Thine Infinity;
So surely anchor'd on
The steadfast rock of immortality.

With wide-embracing love
Thy Spirit animates eternal years,
Pervades and broods above,
Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates, and rears.

Though earth and man were gone,
And suns and universes ceased to be,
And Thou were left alone,
Every existence would exist in Thee.

There is not room for Death,
Nor atom that his might could render void:
Thou--Thou art Being and Breath,
And what Thou art may never be destroyed.

2005-09-24T04:41:00.000-07:00

The Blue baby book which caught Hus's eye and mine....this I loikeee..hehehehe

2005-09-24T04:40:00.000-07:00

the adorable pinky shoeess....Hus was mesmerised by it..hehhee...albeit my dislike for pink... :Op

2005-09-24T04:38:00.000-07:00

The Children's Day gifts for P1 art class..cute ehh..

Perfect moment

2005-09-24T04:37:00.000-07:00

It was a wonderful day after the tutorials at NIE, instead of going to Jurong Point, Hus n I headed to Bugis. We savoured chicken rice n some fish soup added with milk...hmm...n then proceeded to Concourse...my ohh my..it was a long walk...but with gusto we slowly ambled on.There were a lot of teachers doing their last minute shopping there...I even bumped into my colleague...hehehe...since the kiasu me had purchased the gifts for my form class of P2's and P3 science class, thus the fickle minded me chanced upon a set of cute rubber faced key chains and bought them for the P1 art class....I regretted of my kiasuism of buying too early..sighh....n after endless seaching for Hus's children's day gifts, we passed by Arab Street and guess what.....yeah...saw some stunning scarves that we couldn't resist...n there goes the dollars...however, it was worth the ke chinnnggg as it cost me 5 bucks a scarf...so i bought 2...hehehee...n I was still not satisfied....so we went to Bugis pasar malam....kinda like a flea market to me...n we both in the scorching heat..especially moi bought an Emily Strange bag priced at ten bucks and 2 watches at 5 bucks each....typically all blue.....well I am a freak when it comes to blue....hehehhee...afterwards we head down to Seiyu to look for a few things but did not buy any....just saw some cute baby things yet again....hehehe....it was all quiet banters and great outing with Hus...ahhh...now to sleep...I feel so elevated and energised....spirits up...is that a good sign?...ohh yeah n yesterday Iman n me went to watch a movie titled" Night Watch"....I couldn't comprehend the plot from start to finish and to rate it, I would give it a 2 on the richter scale...hmmm.....that's it..au revoir...

2005-09-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

Craze

Spinning in a merry go round,
Circling in a dizzy state,
Can peace be found?
In this life's fast rate....

-Haze

..I've been tagged by Hus....so what are the 3 things about me?..hmmm...

....1. I am disorganised....all my things are in a total clutter...I cannot arrange things in a neat order...if you see my room...u will be totally shocked at the state...yeah messy...
2. I utterly adore blue....DO NOT GIVE ME PINK!....unless there is no other colour that I can use....otherwise...I vehemently warn....DO NOT GIVE ME PINK..or I will roar immensely with fury.
3. I tend to do things halfway.....or do tasks at the last minute...that is one trait that I am trying to change.....
........hmmm.....well den...I await Saturday with bated breath...but the Concourse thingy I have to cancel due to a last minute appointment..aiyahh..how ehh Hus...hmm.....sowie...can't wait for the answer to the transfer of school I applied..hmmm..n to Iman....merci beaucoup....miz u....toodles

Mcdonalds craze?

2005-09-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

..Just reached home....time noted...1045pm....no ideas to pen a poem...probably in the next entry..hmm..I seem to be gobbling Mcdonalds the whole day...from lunch to dinner....yeah it's always been like that every Mondays and Wednesdays when there're tutorials at NTU...I favour the cheeseburger over fishburger minus the french fries and I avoid frizzy drinks...yaa as 'alas perut'..n still not consuming the staple food...I do not know why...seems to be losing appetite the past few days....these incoming weeks are gonna be real hectic..with assignments, school activities, reports and etcetera....YIKES!...hmm....hey Hus, u owe me 2 watches n Emily bag yaa...hehehhe..and to Iman...miz u..hmm....ok dokie....toodles...

Faith

2005-09-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

Nothing to pen today...the outing to Concourse was cancelled as Hus is suffering from a toothache..well, it has been a long time that I can rest at home..just lazing around....I ain't gonna touch work today...not a single thing...had a late lunch with Iman yesterday..nice conversation I had with you...should do it more often..what a coincidence we came from the same secondary school eh...hmmm....I just want you to keep your promise , Iman.....au revoir

Repent?

2005-09-15T16:24:00.000-07:00

Atone of sins?

Here an entity dwells alone,
living her years away,
all her sins she attempts to atone,
A purity she forays.

Her face forlorn,
The wrinkles showing,
Of the time she was born,
And the time that she will be dying........

-Haze

I am so deep in the abyss of my conscience..and so deep I am in the loads of work..that I am oblivious to the outside world...should I do something about it?...I have lost the meaning of joy, happiness, mirth.....the mirage of all these have dissolved into nothingness...........even my life seems so miniature unlike the others....the travails of life...I implore Allah to help me...my spirit is weakening....sigh...do you have the answer to it Iman?...sigh..or Iman is a pseudo u use as 'faith'?...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Semi-conscious

2005-09-13T18:24:00.000-07:00

Darren was pure fiddlesticks today...and the only way to subdue him was through the soft approach and lotsa attention....it worked miracles...merci to Allah for the commodious patience....now preparing the SA2 paper...when will Saturday arrive?....I am impatient...hehehe such irony ehh...au revoir..

Endeavour

2005-09-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

Life's struggle

Drowned in life's deep sea,
Straining to the surface for a breath,
Where is the happiness to see,
Dispersed amongst the eternal depth....

-Haze

Piles of work are in front of me...just completed an assignment and 2 tests are over...back to work after the 1 week holysss.....had a conversation with S....we are becoming good buddies...at least he listens and understands...I am not thinking of crossing that boundary of friendship ever...it's just a pal to pal thingy..and I am at ease with that...if I ever tie the knot, he will be my best man definitely..yeah I realised that a guy friend is the bestest person who can totally understands me n gives moi reliable advice...dun be jealous ahh Thea..hehehhee..U are still the bestest gal buddy besides him..hehehee..n Hus..dun forget our date next Saturday yaa...can't wait to head to Concourse..yehaaa...n to Iman..please hold on to your promise..if you think I am worth it.....toodles..

Ostracized

2005-09-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

Inane?

Solemnity in the reverse,
The likeness of inane,
Nothing to converse,
The world of the insane.

Minds in a twirl,
Common sense no progress,
Madness in the mind curl,
Logic in a mess.

Shadows of hopeless and grief,
Their souls wailing,
The diseases never leave,
The torment forever settling....

-Haze

Well...I shouldn't pen this incident...but I felt I had to....hmmm....I saw a man...barefooted....dressed so shabbily in his dirty clothes..easing himself at a corner in front of the bus queue at Boon Lay interchange..not unloading the faeces but urinating...with his privy showing...I was flabbergasted..a few of the bus commuters queueing in the line turned their heads in disgust....initially I was disgusted too...and out of nowhere....I felt instant sympathy for that man...as to the reason, I am trying to fathom.....is it because of the fast paced society of ours that had affected him tremendously till he became demented?....Tears were welling in my eyes as I saw him walked off soon hereafter with scabs and the urine flowing down his legs......I just could not comprehend the condition he was in......and it brought me to think of how vulnerable I am...the pressures of life...many can take it face on..while a minority just falter and becomes delusional........I should be grateful to Allah s.w.t for giving me the strength and determination to endure this life's obstacles..are we too cooped up in our little comfortable cocoon that we are not obvious of those who are less fortunate?....hmmm...well..anyways...I watched 'Perfect Catch' with Hus just now...we thoroughly revel in the movie's atmosphere.....sighhh......adieu...

Superflous honeyed entries?

2005-09-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

I've been analysing my entries .......................yeah I am not in a good mood today........as to the reason.......rather keep it under wraps.....too private to reveal..ohh yeah.....I am not going to strike any chords with anyone..this is just my personal view....I thought of this blog as just a release of feelings and thoughts....maybe to vent anger or as a reflection of an everyday account....that's all..no more.....the lesser the better...sort of filter the private affairs.....well......adieu...

2005-09-09T04:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah the compulsory Teachers' CIP....it's just behind my school.....it's actually my second occupation..hehehee

2005-09-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

Science exhibition at another primary school...well had to accompany the p4's as Diana was unable to do it...yeah the so called' new' teachers always had to replace other teachers' duties.....but I enjoyed it...

Idiosyncrasy

2005-09-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

SENSE

Enamoured little bee chanced upon a flower,
Savouring the nectar that resides in it,
Alas it was not sweet and turned out sour,
Still the bee savoured it bit by bit........

-Haze

hmmmm...no accounts to pen today.....need lotsa rest....will be on a short interim.....au revoir..

2005-09-04T03:06:00.000-07:00

yeppp.....it's an unexpected gift from the cherubic n mischievious Darren....This will put me in even a determined stead to help him....thank your dear Darren ......I knew you are a good natured boy....Don't give up okay...I will always be there for you...hmmm

2005-09-04T03:04:00.000-07:00

Guess who this is from...he knows that I abhor pink.....so he gave me this lovable present....

2005-09-04T02:43:00.000-07:00

I completely treasure and am devoted to this movie besides Notting Hill...to me, it is one of the greatest movie of all time...it touched my innermost mien......I felt like penning a love poem but I guess it has not yet met its match and no basis for me to develop one...yeah for what...unless to my loved ones...when the inspiration comes, I will okay...for sure......hehehehehhee

2005-09-04T02:37:00.000-07:00

Notting Hill..lurve the record soundtracks..even Flashdance's music soundtracks are fantastic...I realised love does not need necessarily comes from a soulmate but from your parents, siblings or even friends who are guys or gals..i meant close friends.....they are the ones who know you best....believe me....thanx S for coming into my life at the downward moment of my life...u are a great confidante...at least now I comprehend what it means from a guy's perspective...

2005-09-04T02:31:00.000-07:00

Adore this movie ..yeah it's old but it adds a sentimental value to my life...

Shopping spree

2005-09-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

In This Life.

Surviving and to live,
Withstanding the ebbs of the tide,
Being able to breathe,
Existing in life's ride....

-Haze

Was it a wonderful Saturday?hmmmm...My mind was clouded and obscured as the charming Alan Tea was conducting the lecture....he was not himself today...seemed rushed too...and maybe restless.....he saw my impassive and worried face then came to the rescue....alas...only a partial understanding was achieved...nonetheless...thank you Alan Tea....despite your 'not my usual self today' disposition, you did came to clear my doubt.....thank you.....afterwards...Hus, Her and I went to NIE bookshop....n I ended buying a children's storybook that was priced at 2 bucks....yeah imagine that...2 bucks for a Tony Ross book....WOW...n headed, where else, if not the ever present Jurong Point..yeah....that place again..but I never dread going there...ate at Banquet with Hus....thanx again to C and J for concidentally eating there as well and getting the available seats for us...hehehehhe.Then Hus n I headed to the pasar malam next door. We oogled and patronised the various stalls that were selling paraphernalia of all sorts...another SUPER WOW....n bought a few things there as well...hmm...n the conclusion is....well pretty good... ;)...au revoir

2005-08-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

yeah...a tiring face upon reaching home from the dinner.....yawnsss.....au revoir...

2005-08-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

yeah....me n Jacelyn...the happening n cool teachers....heehheee...she's one helluva lady.....filled with humour n spunk...thanx babe for consoling me... ;)

2005-08-31T09:04:00.000-07:00

Cat n me...our table was the most lively amongst the 6 tables at Ballroom 1 at Sheraton Towers Hotel...yeah, it was my first time attending Teachers' Day dinner at a 5 star hotel...guess my school is filthy wealthy..good food..good company...result-> pleasance...hehehe..received quite hefty amount of presents from pupils...even Darren gave me one...awwww..will show the pic some other time..it's a very tender moment when he handed me his present...sighh.....I had to suppress my tears....sighh....well then...to the fellow comrades in arms.....Happy Teachers' Day ehh... ;)

2005-08-30T03:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Darren,
You really made me furious today. I had never been as hell hath no fury like this before.Why do you like to make me reprimand you everytime?I am getting tired of your repulsive attitude.Do not make me take action against you dear boy as I know deep down inside you are actually a very good hearted boy equipped with immense intelligence.Tomorrow is Teachers� Day. My only hope is for you to change your ways and polish on your manners.
From your teacher who never gives up on you,
Haze

2005-08-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

Remembrance - a poem by Emily Bronte

Cold in the earth�and the deep snow piled above thee,
Far, far removed, cold in the dreary grave!
Have I forgot, my only Love, to love thee,
Severed at last by Time's all-severing wave?

Now, when alone, do my thoughts no longer hover
Over the mountains, on that northern shore,
Resting their wings where heath and fern-leaves cover
That noble heart for ever, ever more?

Cold in the earth, and fifteen wild Decembers
From those brown hills have melted into spring:
Faithful indeed is the spirit that remembers
After such years of change and suffering!

Sweet Love of youth, forgive if I forget thee,
While the world's tide is bearing me along:
Sterner desires and other hopes beset me,
Hopes which obscure, but cannot do thee wrong!

No later light has lightened up my heaven;
No second morn has ever shone for me:
All my life's bliss from thy dear life was given,
All my life's bliss is in the grave with thee.

But when the days of golden dreams had perished,
And even Despair was powerless to destroy,
Then did I learn how existence could be cherished,
Strengthened, and fed without the aid of joy;

Then did I check the tears of useless passion,
Weaned my young soul from yearning after thine;
Sternly denied its burning wish to hasten
Down to that tomb already more than mine.

And even yet I dare not let it languish,
Dare not indulge in Memory's rapturous pain;
Once drinking deep of that divinest anguish,
How could I seek the empty world again?

2005-08-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

Trust?

Ashes form as the fire rages,
The crinkling sound through the rising smoke,
Trust breached the heart cringes,
Heart smothered in blood hatred evoke.....

-Haze

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE Pa........U have breached the trust I bestowed on you....just leave me till I am over THIS!

Splendid?

2005-08-27T19:15:00.000-07:00

It was a splendid day...yeah, us the poster gals of Jurong Point....as per normal we went to Toys R Us to meddle with the toys...what Hus mentioned is true...we are the deprived adults who never had or own the wide range of toys and gadgets the fortunate kids have their hands on nowadays...hmmmmm...aniways,Hus wanted to watch a movie, therefore we bought tickets on the movie "Must Love Dogs"...gee whiz...why can't they put 'cats' instead :P......then we went to Banquet for brunch......hmm....hordes of people were there...couldn't even find seats....sheeshh......so Hus suggested Siam Kitchen...yep..it was me first time being there...and the food..super finger licking good although it was not authentic Thai cuisine.....then wandered again in the vicinity of the mall..until our legs could carry us no further...we went to Delifrance Cafe Bistro....chit chatted till it was time for the movie.......it was draggy at first..then it got more engrossing...we had our moments of laughter...and it ended on a sweet note..hmmmm..should do it again some other time ehh Hus...I am still puzzled as to why guys do not like mushy movies...well duhh...if a guy is not romantic, then do they really know how to keep the candle burning?..hmm food for thought.....now time for ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...adieu...

2005-08-24T05:06:00.000-07:00

hmm

2005-08-24T05:05:00.000-07:00

Under the weather...on medical leave today...too exhausted till the point of exertion...feeling very weak..hope by tomorrow can recover...for now I let the pictures have their say....

2005-08-21T18:40:00.000-07:00

in 2 months time, it will be a year anniversary of bloggin....has it been fruitful here?..hmmm sort of...getting to know about others' lives and making friends are part n parcel here....although somehow..personally I feel that broadcasting the most intimate details of my life makes me perturbed at times...this is not piffle however, the most truthful and straightforward remark I am penning....hmmm...guess I will just pen poems henceforth...yeah that is what I will pull off...hmmm...before the big farewell which will beckon soon....au revoir...

Underestimated

2005-08-21T01:57:00.000-07:00

Nude

Goosebumps all around,
Stripped till the barest skin,
Humans of minds unsound,
the bodies nude all privates seen....

-Haze

...I should not unlock all my deepest secret.....all must be concealed....hush hush....I must be placid...must.....hmmmm

2005-08-21T01:05:00.000-07:00

HOPE
by: Emily Bront� (1818-1848)
HOPE Was but a timid friend;
She sat without the grated den,
Watching how my fate would tend,
Even as selfish-hearted men.

She was cruel in her fear;
Through the bars one dreary day,
I looked out to see her there,
And she turned her face away!

Like a false guard, false watch keeping,
Still, in strife, she whispered peace;
She would sing while I was weeping;
If I listened, she would cease.

False she was, and unrelenting;
When my last joys strewed the ground,
Even Sorrow saw, repenting,
Those sad relics scattered round;

Hope, whose whisper would have given
Balm to all my frenzied pain,
Stretched her wings, and soared to heaven,
Went, and ne'er returned again!

Am I happy?

2005-08-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

hmmm...after the tutorials, proceeded with Hus and Her to Jurong Point...yeah Fairus teased the three of us as Haz, Hus and Her...hehehe...like the three female stooges ehh...Her went her way..n so Hus and I went to do some window shopping...both of us were constantly making fun at the kiddie toys...and kept looking at the baby thingies...can't wait for Hus to have her baby...for sure the eyes will be 'sepet'..hehehhee....and the hair curly...I guarantee your baby will be super adorable pulling in the crowds lahh.Then....Hus pulled me to a shoestore and enticed me to buy a pair of irresistable sandals *slaps the head, instead of the forehead*...she is really a temptress...and I succumbed to her magical allure....haizzzz....but I am definitely delighted at purchasing it...are there any more shoes to come?I guess I am becoming a shoe freak...yeah...gonna own a whole wardrobe of shoes instead of clothes ehh...hmmm...

2005-08-20T05:37:00.000-07:00

whoaaa..the lioness roaring yet again...yeah I was screaming at one of them who accidentally kicked the hoops...I did not know about my booming voice until one of the parent volunteers smiled sheepishly at me quite a distance away...only then my face turned a beetroot red...was it that obvious?..hmmm

2005-08-20T05:29:00.000-07:00

well..this was taken quite recently during the lower primary Games Day on the eve of National Day...me the ferocious one shouting instructions to my pupils...well...every PE lesson, we had been practicing hard okayy...so should be reaping the benefits...hehehe..and at last the BLUE house won!I was ecstatic...yeahh...lucky there is no PINK house!yessiree.. I DETEST PINK!

Relief?

2005-08-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

A heave of relief,
As the spirit is enlightened,
However it is too brief,
As a dilemma comes to darken.....

-Haze

Moments of joy or happiness are always short....and then out of the blue, a dilemma comes crashing my way....should I blame Abah for causing me repeatedly his problems or burdens to me......can't I have a life of my own...I ain't getting any younger okayy!....I am seething with fury...should I segregate myself from him and his family temporarily? How long should I be held responsible for his own undoings....he chose to marry her and have kids and now IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY?...how long can I bear THIS!

2005-08-19T03:19:00.000-07:00

I got this too at $1.50 from the same place as well....lurveee Charlie Brown characters....Snoopy..and Linus ..and the precocious Lucy....heavennnnnn is within my sight....not the gates of heaven lahh...just...that my spirit is enlightened....gonna use them all tomorrow for the tutorials....hehehhe

2005-08-19T03:16:00.000-07:00

I had a fleeting moment of joy as I purchased these stationery totalled at $4.50 from the school bookshop...I sooo adore blue...

hmm..yummy

2005-08-18T08:54:00.000-07:00

ohh yeah.. an add on....I am gobbling up Big Breakfast now in school...hehee..courtesy of my colleague who asked the whole staff whether we wanted to order Mcdonalds breakfast...it's now 24/7? I did not know it until just now....yehaaaaa!I welcome most graciously all the extra carbohydrates n cholestrol...(ponders at the thought of position as Health Education coordinator)...ahh what the heck..hurhurhur...

At the workplace

2005-08-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

Usually I don't post an entry from work, somehow here I am..today n tomorrow is the P6 oral exam...been a hectic week...next Wednesday is the French dictation test n I don't have a single clue to all the rules of the French grammar!....I am in deep shit.....cannot digest and fathom those....arghhh...je ne compre pas!....

Harmony?

2005-08-14T09:32:00.000-07:00

Can you sense the harmony?
Can you feel the vibration?
Alas life is a monotony,
Filled with all the trepidation...

-Haze

It's raining mercilessly now....the rain lashing against the window and the billowing wind n storm howling and raring its fangs against the pane......vicious...that is how life is treating me now....yet.....yesterday....it was occupied momentariy with joy as I got only 4 gifts for the Teachers' Day Dinner...7 more to go...n caught a movie with Eton, which was utterly boring, "Land of The Dead",I wouldn't recommend it...it was a bad choice of a movie on my part...aniways....lotsa werk to complete....au revoir

Hurhurhur

2005-08-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

This time around , I let the pictures do the talkin on what I want to convey from my personal thoughts....thus, the short entry today.Albeit my sense is shilly shally, the mien is still intact....au revoir..

2005-08-12T02:11:00.000-07:00

Gender injustice?hmmm..

2005-08-12T02:09:00.000-07:00

Being a woman....the transformation...hmmm

Ordinary?

2005-08-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

Ordinary?

Yet another ordinary day,
although it's a celebration,
feel rather sad honestly I say,
where should I flow all the tension?

- Haze.

Should I be cynical....yeah a cutthroat....nahh....rather not....if not I would seem like a blockhead..not jeopardizing my own position..hmmm..not myself today..just wanna be critical of meself....well if something bad happens to me, I'll wash my dirty linen here in the blog...it's my only personal outlet where I can dictate what I wanna pen..aiyahh.....hmmm...it's not worth creating a furore in this virtual world...and upsetting the equilibrium here...am I too obsessed with my excessive pennings here?...arghh..what the f***..just hoping for a wonderful Saturday this week....looking forward to it....okay den.....adieu...

B'day

2005-08-08T23:40:00.000-07:00

ohh yeah.....forgotten something...Happy B'day to my younger brother..yesterday was his b'day...n later my brother n I are headin to Abah's house for the small family gathering....May Allah s.w.t bless u, dear brother...although thru' the years we had our differences, u will always be the best brother a sister can ever ask for...thanx for everything yaaa...kakak will always love u no matter what.

2005-08-08T22:53:00.000-07:00

Am I part of a grafitti wall?Sometimes I do feel I am....hmmph

2005-08-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

Gossip is not my forte...rather mind me own business than delve in other person's business..

2005-08-08T22:48:00.000-07:00

Thought of having a Saturday retail therapy..yeah buying the lucky draw gifts for Teachers' Day....yippee...